Oreo Caramel shakes because ice cream is his weakness.
June is the month that my hubby and I started dating. I was 17, it was the Summer before my Senior year and we decided it would just be the two of us, no more dating others. I remember the night vividly, it was June 9th on a Saturday night up the canyon with a group of friends. We had been spending a lot of time together for a few months and decided to make it OFFICIAL. Daaaaaang who knew what adventure we would embark on 34 years later?! Next Tuesday we will celebrate our 30 year anniversary when we said “I do!” So let's just say that JUNE has our heart.
As in many important relationships of life; our marriage has mirrored the roller coaster effect … peaks and valley's galore. We've had moments of despair holding each other through deep pain. As equally profound as moments of joy and peace where words could never adequately describe an elated heart. Our story has delivered many trials, where we have found ourselves riding the storm in what felt like a lifeboat with waves crashing in so hard we nearly drowned. Today, we continue to ride the waves. Each day delivering a new experience. We have stayed the course through love, grace, empathy and a fun-loving friendship.
If you're maybe asking what the secret is? Buzz kill… there is NO SECRET. We are continually learning through it all. We certainly don't have a perfect marriage, yet I have much to share about a GOOD MARRIAGE! For that, I am grateful.
Here are some personal insights, key points and strategies ON EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION TOOLS that have worked for us and strengthened our bond over the years. The list is evolving; as are we.
Active Listening
Listening to LISTEN is a cornerstone of effective communication. It's about fully focusing on your partner, acknowledging their feelings, and responding thoughtfully. This means we put away our phones, find a quiet place without distractions, maintain eye contact, and THEN summarize what was shared to ensure you understand their perspective. This not only makes us both feel heard but also helps prevent misunderstandings. It's profound what we “hear” compared to what is being “said." The gap is often surprising.
“I” Statements
Using “I” statements instead of “You” statements can transform how you express feelings and concerns. For example, saying “I feel hurt when...” instead of “You always...” reduces defensiveness and opens the door to constructive communication. This simple shift fosters a non-confrontational conversation where both of us feel safe to express ourselves.
Non-Verbal Communication
Over the years, we've learned that what we don't say is just as important as what we do say. Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice convey a wealth of information. Being mindful of these cues helps us to pick up on unspoken feelings and concerns.
Weekly Needs Audit
This has been invaluable! These are dedicated times when we discuss our “personal needs” aka feelings, expectations, and any issues that might be brewing. These conversations have helped us stay connected and address small issues before they become big problems. Hint: sometimes these needs audits happen daily if things are at a high stress or controversial time.
Practicing Gratitude
Expressing gratitude OFTEN has created a positive communication environment in our marriage. A simple “thank you” or acknowledging the little things fosters appreciation and strengthens our emotional connection. Keeping gratitude journals and sharing entries with each other has also reinforced our bond. He knows how to make me smile with an unexpected warm cup of tea.
Seeking Help When Needed
Yep! We've never hesitated to seek outside help when needed including workshops that have provided us with new tools and perspectives, ensuring our communication remains strong and effective. We BOTH invest in our own personal growth that has been a catalyst for our strong foundation in difficult times.
Laughter, Love and Light
We have to remind each other not to take life so seriously. We have always made time for each other. We have had seasons of faithful date nights and seasons of rare alone time. We are always committed to the little things that we both love; like Sundance Summer nights, chasing sunsets, watching old 80s movies that rewind the clock and sleeping in the backyard under the stars. I know how to make him smile with an oreo caramel shake; ice cream is his weakness.
These tools have been our pillars, helping us navigate the complexities of life together with love and understanding.
We don't always get it right. We stumble and fall regularly. We continue to lean on commitment, honesty, shared values, personal responsibility and the desire for growth.
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